Sweet Baby Inc. Consults with Street Fighter Developers, Forces Them to Make All-New Game Where Everyone Feels Included

Inclusive Insanity: Sweet Baby Inc. Strong-Arms Fighting Game Devs Into Creating ‘Mediocre Kombat’

Sweet Baby Inc., the video game consulting company known for its focus on diversity and inclusion, has consulted with the developers of Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter, and more or less forced them to make an all-new game where everyone feels included.

“The Mortal Kombat team was already on board, but it took some coercing to get the Street Fighter crew over,” Stated Sweet Baby Inc. CEO Kim Belair.

The new game, titled “Street Kombat: Everyone Included,” features a cast of characters that are all average-looking people. There are no more scantily-clad women or muscular men. Instead, the characters are all everyday people, with a variety of body types, races, and ethnicities.

A few of the characters are Guadalupe the Botanist, Priya the IT Support Specialist an Tanvi “Tech Support” Thakur. To get the full roster rundown and artwork please continue this article.

With these average avatars of the everyday, “Street Kombat” is set to revolutionize the fighting game genre. The stages are equally unglamorous, featuring battles in locations like the “Queue Quagmire,” a seemingly endless line at the post office, and the “Backyard Bicker,” a duel amidst garden gnomes and overgrown weeds.

The game is not without its special features: the character customization allows players to choose from a variety of sensible footwear and stain-resistant clothing. There’s also a dynamic weather system that affects battles with sudden downpours or the blinding glare of the midday sun.

The developers of “Street Kombat: Everyone Included” say that they were initially hesitant to make such a drastic change to their games. However, they say that they were convinced by Sweet Baby Inc.’s arguments that the game would be more inclusive and appealing to a wider audience.

“We realized that we had a responsibility to make our games more inclusive,” said one of the developers. “We’re glad that Sweet Baby Inc. helped us to see the light.”

The new game has been met with mixed reactions from fans. Some fans are excited about the new characters and the more inclusive gameplay. However, other fans are disappointed that the game has lost its signature violence and gore.

Despite the mixed reactions, “Street Kombat: Everyone Included” is a significant step forward for the fighting game genre. It is the first game in the genre to feature a cast of characters that are all average-looking people. This sends a powerful message that everyone can be a fighter, regardless of their appearance.

A beta tester, Mike Jenkins had this to say. “We tried to explain that this isn’t what gamers want, but the consultants insisted that every single demographic must feel represented, no matter how bland the result. I mean, have you seen the stage designs? We’ve got ‘Office Cubicle Chaos’ and ‘Suburban Cul-de-Sac Showdown.’ It’s like they’re actively trying to put players to sleep.”

Sweet Baby Inc. has yet to comment on the controversial project, but rumor has it they’re already planning a sequel titled “Monotonous Melee.” One thing’s for sure: if “Mediocre Kombat” sees the light of day, it’ll be a fierce contender for the title of “Most Forgettable Fighting Game Ever Made.”

In a move that’s sure to raise eyebrows, Sweet Baby Inc. has unveiled the final roster for “Street Kombat,” and it’s a doozy. The game consulting firm has taken their inclusion initiative to the extreme, resulting in a cast of characters so diverse, it’s almost comical. But there’s one glaring omission: not a single white male character in sight.

Let’s take a look at some of the “thrilling” fighters we can expect to see:

Elise “The Errand Runner” Ekwensi

Elise is a master of multitasking, juggling jobs, and running errands with the precision of a Swiss watch. Her special attack, “The Grocery Bag Barrage,” involves a flurry of heavy shopping bags swung with deadly accuracy. She entered the tournament to find the legendary “Coupon of Infinite Savings” and prove that errands are not just chores, but a way of life.

Aliyah “The Administrator” Al-Farsi

An office administrator whose patience is as legendary as her organizational skills, Aliyah’s finisher, “The Paper Jam,” buries her adversaries under a mountain of paperwork. Her backstory involves a quest to conquer the greatest administrative challenge known to humanity – the Monday Morning Inbox.

Sofia “The Night Nurse” Ngozi

Sofia is a compassionate caregiver whose shifts have honed her reflexes and endurance. Her ultimate move, “The Vital Check,” sends a shockwave that monitors the opponent’s health, draining their energy with her overwhelming care. She joined the tournament to raise funds for her community health clinic and to demonstrate the mighty power of a well-placed thermometer.

Lucia “The Line Cook” López

Lucia is a culinary warrior from the hot and hectic world of restaurant kitchens. Her devastating move, “The Frying Pan Flambé,” scorches foes with the fire of a thousand spicy dishes. Lucia’s motivation for joining the melee is to show the world that the heat of the kitchen forges stronger warriors than any battlefield.

Kevin “The Commuter” Kilometers

Kevin is your average 9-to-5er whose daily odyssey through public transport has forged him into a warrior. His ultimate move, “The Sardine Pack,” summons a horde of disgruntled commuters to swarm the opponent, leaving them gasping for personal space. Kevin’s backstory involves battling for a seat during rush hour, and his quest in the game is to find the mythical Empty Train Carriage for a peaceful ride home.

Priya the IT Support Specialist

Hailing from India, Priya is armed with a headset and an endless supply of generic troubleshooting advice. Her signature move, “Have You Tried Turning It Off and On Again?” is sure to leave opponents questioning their technical prowess.

Liang the Acupuncturist

This Chinese practitioner of traditional medicine uses his needles to put opponents to sleep – literally. His fatality, “Pressure Point Paralysis,” involves boring players into a state of complete and utter apathy.

Bob “The Barista” Brewster

With his battle cry, “This is for every incorrectly spelled name on a coffee cup!” Bob brings the fury of the service industry to the fight. His signature move is the “Scalding Steam,” a blast of hot air that sends opponents reeling and smelling faintly of pumpkin spice. Bob’s journey began when a customer demanded an abstract concept as a milk foam art, unlocking his latent latte powers.

Guadalupe the Botanist

Hailing from Mexico, Guadalupe’s fighting style revolves around using various plants to lull her opponents into a state of botanical boredom. Her ultra-combo, “Chlorophyll Chokehold,” involves subjecting players to an endless lecture on photosynthesis.

Aisha the Diversity Consultant

As a nod to Sweet Baby Inc.’s own meddling, Aisha’s sole purpose is to ensure that every other character in the game is as bland and inoffensive as possible. Her special ability, “Political Correctness Punch,” forces opponents to apologize for their lack of inclusivity.

Paula “Potluck” Pots

A culinary queen of the neighborhood block party, Paula’s finishing move, “Casserole Crush,” involves summoning an army of piping hot dishes that descend upon her enemies with the weight of family expectations. She joined the battle after her secret ingredient was leaked at the last potluck, sparking a culinary vendetta to reclaim her status as the supreme suburban chef.

Dave “The DIYer” Drills

Armed with a hammer and a dream, Dave is a weekend warrior whose destiny was forged in the aisles of home improvement stores. His special move, “The 2×4 Whack,” has him constructing a quick scaffold around his opponent before delivering a whirling saw blade of justice. Dave’s background includes a home renovation project that’s been going on for slightly longer than it took to build the Great Pyramids.

Jenny “Just a Minute” Jenkins

A multitasking maven and a master of the calendar, Jenny’s attack, “The Deadline,” involves wrapping her opponents in a day planner until they’re completely overwhelmed by overlapping appointments and double bookings. Jenny’s tale is one of a woman who once tried to schedule a conference call during her own dental surgery, a testament to her unyielding commitment to the hustle.

When pressed about the conspicuous absence of white male characters, a representative from Sweet Baby Inc. stated, “We wanted to make a bold statement about representation in gaming. By excluding white males entirely, we’re showing that anyone can be a forgettable, generic fighting game character, regardless of their background.”

The gaming community has responded with a collective shrug, with one forum user commenting, “I never thought I’d say this, but I actually miss the days when fighting games were just about impossibly buff dudes punching each other through buildings. At least that was entertaining.”

The arenas are just as inclusive and diverse, ranging from the bustling “City Transit Takedown” to the perilous “Playground Pandemonium,” where the swings and slides become tools of combat. Each character brings to the table their unique blend of the mundane, proving that heroism can be found in the most ordinary of places and people.

By focusing on such an eclectic mix of characters, Sweet Baby Inc has made it clear that they’re not just breaking the mold—they’re grinding it into dust and using it to bake a cake of diversity that everyone gets a slice of, regardless of their background. “Mundane Melee” may not have the conventional champions of fighting games, but it has heart, soul, and a lineup that mirrors the world we live in today.

Note: Stop sending death threats. This post is satirical in nature.