Retro Replay Review

Gameplay

This Planet Sucks! delivers a satisfying blend of classic arcade precision and modern responsiveness. You begin each round nestled inside your mothership at the top of the screen, awaiting the signal to descend. Pressing the button sends your lander hurtling toward the planet’s surface, where dexterity and timing become your greatest allies.

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The descent sequence is deceptively simple: navigate a field of drifting asteroids to land safely on one of three designated platforms below. Juggling thrust control and horizontal movement, you must tap the retro rockets just in time to bleed off speed — too gentle a touch and you miss the platform, too aggressive and you risk a catastrophic crash. On top of that, you’ll need to avoid squishing the helpless survivor you’re sent to rescue.

Once the survivor is aboard, the challenge flips on its head. Some asteroids transform into hostile flying saucers, turning your homeward journey into a gauntlet of moving hazards. Slipping into the mothership’s docking bay requires near-perfect alignment: hit the side walls or dock off-centered and you’ll lose both a life and the precious cargo you fought to save. Clear all survivors and you advance to level two, where new twists await.

Graphics

Visually, This Planet Sucks! pays loving homage to its coin-op predecessor, Lunar Rescue, while embracing a refined pixel-art aesthetic. Vivid colors pop against the stark blackness of space, and each asteroid chunk is distinct, helping you plan your descent path at a glance. The lander sprite is crisp with just enough detail to convey its retro roots.

Animation is smooth throughout, from the gentle wobble of the mothership’s docking bay to the fiery flare of your retrorockets. When you fire thrusters, particle effects flicker realistically, reinforcing the weight of each burn. Hostile saucers zip by with a satisfying clank, their motion patterns crystal clear so you can learn and adapt.

The UI remains unobtrusive, displaying lives, remaining survivors, and score in clean, readable fonts. Subtle flashes and shakes punctuate key events — a risky landing or a near miss with a saucer — heightening tension without distracting you from the action.

Story

This Planet Sucks! keeps narrative lean, borrowing its premise directly from classic sci-fi arcade lore. You are the lone pilot tasked with daring rescues on a hostile world riddled with cosmic debris. There’s no lengthy exposition — the story unfolds through each descent and ascent, underscoring the urgency of your mission.

While there are no cutscenes, the sparse storytelling suits the game’s arcade spirit. Each survivor you retrieve feels like a small victory, and the increasing stakes — asteroids turning into saucers, tighter docking windows — build a silent drama that pushes you onward. The minimal plot encourages pure engagement with the gameplay loop.

By keeping story elements to a minimum, This Planet Sucks! ensures players focus on skill mastery. Yet it never feels hollow: every successful rescue paints a picture of triumph against the odds, and each lost lander reminds you just how perilous your assignment truly is.

Overall Experience

This Planet Sucks! excels as a tight, pick-up-and-play arcade title. Its control scheme is immediately accessible, yet mastering the delicate interplay between thrust, gravity, and horizontal movement offers layers of depth. Expect a steep but fair difficulty curve — early levels lull you into confidence, only to challenge you with faster asteroids and trickier docking bays.

Replay value is high thanks to its escalating hazards and the intrinsic drive to beat your own high score. Every run feels fresh, whether you’re striving for flawless rescue missions or simply testing how close you can skim past a spinning saucer. The game’s arcade pedigree shines through in its addictive loop of risk and reward.

For fans of retro-inspired action and precision-based challenges, This Planet Sucks! is a must-play. It strikes a near-perfect balance between nostalgic homage and modern polish, making each descent, rescue, and docking attempt a memorable adrenaline rush. Strap in, pilot — the planet may suck, but the thrill of the rescue never will.

Retro Replay Score

null/10