Retro Replay Review

Gameplay

PO’ed delivers a fast-paced, frantic experience that will resonate with fans of classic arena-style shooters. As a space-faring cook trapped on a hostile alien planet, you’re armed with an eclectic arsenal that ranges from humble culinary tools like a trusty frying pan to more industrial contraptions such as a high-powered drill. The unconventional weapon choices keep combat fresh, encouraging players to experiment with different loadouts depending on the enemies they face.

The level design emphasizes verticality and exploration. One of your key tools is the jetpack, which you’ll rely on to navigate sprawling arenas and reach hidden nooks. This mechanic adds a satisfying layer of mobility, allowing you to rocket across chasms, ascend to high ledges, or evade swarming alien creatures. Mastering the jetpack’s throttle and fuel management is crucial for success in later stages, where precision movement can mean the difference between life and a gruesome pixelated death.

Enemies in PO’ed range from basic crawlies to bizarre monstrosities—none more memorable than the infamous walking arse. Despite its crude humor, the game’s enemy variety keeps you on your toes: some foes charge headlong, others ooze toxic gas, and certain tougher beasts require careful positioning and ammunition conservation. This mix of enemy behaviors ensures that every skirmish feels tense and rewarding, maintaining a steady adrenaline rush.

Puzzle elements are also woven into the gameplay, forcing you to think on your feet. You might need to drill through obstructing walls to uncover secret passageways, or time your jumps and jetpack bursts to activate distant switches. These light puzzle-solving sections break up the relentless combat and offer a welcome change of pace, all while reinforcing the game’s theme of resourcefulness in a hostile environment.

Multiplayer modes further extend the game’s replay value. Whether you’re teaming up with friends to face waves of alien fiends or duking it out in free-for-all arenas, the smooth performance and tight controls make for an exhilarating cooperative or competitive experience.

Graphics

Although PO’ed was released in the late 1990s, its visuals have a retro charm that many modern indie developers aspire to emulate. The 2.5D engine produces crisp, well-defined environments with dynamic lighting effects that heighten the sense of immersion. Flickering neon signs, bubbling alien goo, and rusted metallic corridors all come together to create a convincingly eerie atmosphere.

Character models and enemy sprites are detailed and colorful, providing clear visual cues during heated encounters. The walking arse, for instance, is grotesque but animated with surprising fluidity—its gyrations are both absurdly funny and unsettling. Projectile effects, muzzle flashes, and explosions add to the sensory overload without overwhelming the screen, thanks to a balanced color palette and thoughtful enemy placement.

Textures, while lower-resolution by today’s standards, are varied and evocative. You’ll traverse kitchens splattered with alien ichor, machine rooms humming with electric currents, and open caverns illuminated by bioluminescent flora. Each environment feels distinct, helping to prevent visual fatigue as you progress through the game’s dozen or so levels.

The user interface is minimalist but functional, with health, ammo, and jetpack fuel meters unobtrusively placed. Weapon icons and inventory pickups pop visually on-screen, ensuring that key information is always within your line of sight. During intense firefights, you can rely on clear feedback to know when it’s time to reload, heal up, or switch to a more appropriate weapon.

For its time, PO’ed pushed the boundaries of what was possible on DOS-based systems. While it may not compete with modern high-definition titles, its distinct visual style has aged well and still delivers a compelling sense of place and atmosphere.

Story

At its core, PO’ed tells the story of a humble intergalactic cook whose routine banquet delivery takes a disastrous turn. Shipwrecked on a nightmarish planet teeming with hostile life forms, our protagonist must rely on cooking utensils, makeshift weapons, and sheer willpower to stay alive. This premise may sound absurd, but it’s precisely this blend of humor and desperation that gives the narrative its unique flavor.

Story beats are delivered through brief in-game interludes and text logs scattered throughout each level. These snippets flesh out the planet’s backstory—a once-thriving world now ravaged by an alien invasion—and hint at an ominous corporate conspiracy behind the catastrophe. While the plot never overshadows the gameplay, it provides enough context to motivate your exploration and combat encounters.

Interacting with environmental storytelling elements—logs from previous explorers, graffiti scrawled by frightened survivors, and malfunctioning AI terminals—adds depth to the world. You’ll uncover clues about the planet’s ecosystem, the fate of your fellow crew members, and the strange experiments conducted by an unknown corporation. These narrative breadcrumbs are optional but rewarding for players who take the time to piece together the full story.

The tone balances levity and tension. Moments of slapstick—such as using a spatula to smack down an alien grub—sit comfortably alongside genuinely suspenseful sequences where supplies run low and monstrous creatures close in. This tonal mix keeps the narrative engaging without ever feeling overly grim or too goofy.

The ending, while straightforward, ties together the main threads and leaves room for interpretation. It emphasizes your cook’s resilience and resourcefulness, celebrating the unlikely heroism in surviving against overwhelming odds with nothing more than kitchenware and courage.

Overall Experience

PO’ed is a memorable romp through a bizarre alien landscape that expertly combines action, exploration, and dark humor. Its fast-paced combat, inventive weapons, and vertical level design ensure that players remain engaged from start to finish. The addition of jetpack mechanics elevates exploration beyond a simple run-and-gun affair, turning every jump into a tactical decision.

While the graphics reflect the technological limits of the late ’90s, the art direction and atmosphere hold up remarkably well. The game strikes a fine balance between campy humor—epitomized by the infamous walking arse enemy—and genuine tension, making for a rollercoaster experience that still delights today. Sound design, including gritty weapon effects and eerie ambient noises, further enhances immersion.

The narrative framework, though not overly complex, provides sufficient motivation and context. It’s light enough to keep the focus on gameplay, yet detailed enough to reward players who seek out lore. The sense of accomplishment when uncovering hidden passages or defeating a tough boss is as satisfying now as it was at release.

Replayability is strong, thanks to multiple difficulty settings, secret areas, and multiplayer modes that encourage cooperative and competitive play. Even seasoned veterans of arena shooters will find new challenges in mastering jetpack maneuvers or discovering every hidden item across the game’s varied levels.

For anyone craving a dose of retro-inspired action with a quirky twist, PO’ed remains a standout title. Its blend of relentless combat, creative arsenal, and offbeat humor creates a refreshingly original package that earns its place in the pantheon of cult classic shooters. Whether you’re a nostalgic gamer or a newcomer to the genre, this game offers an entertaining and uniquely flavorful adventure.

Retro Replay Score

7.4/10