Retro Replay Review

Gameplay

My First: Skydiving Academy presents a deceptively simple premise: launch a diaper-clad toddler out of an airplane and navigate a perilous vertical canyon. The core loop revolves around steering the baby with keyboard controls—left and right to avoid jagged walls, down to accelerate the descent, and up to slow the fall. Early moments feel like a frantic carnival ride, as you learn to predict the canyon’s twists and turns while keeping that adorable ragdoll from smacking headfirst into rock.

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Each of the three levels—Vulture Valley, Jungle Jump, and Frozen Falloff—introduces its own hazards and enemies. Vulture Valley forces you to dodge scavenging birds with razor-sharp beaks, while Jungle Jump unleashes swarms of insect-like critters. Frozen Falloff, meanwhile, throws you into an icy chasm where shards of glacial ice ricochet unpredictably. Successfully weaving past these threats earns points, and if you clip a surface, the ensuing ragdoll bounce can be a lifesaver—or a faceplant into deeper peril.

Points are tallied based on your distance traveled, collisions avoided, and air-time stunts performed. As momentum builds, your infant plummeter heats up, eventually igniting in a burst of fiery glory that lets you bulldoze airborne creatures like bowling pins. Power-up rings scattered through the canyon grant a temporary fiery state regardless of speed, encouraging riskier midair maneuvers for higher scores. Crack the preset score thresholds to unlock the next level, turning each playthrough into a compulsive chase for bragging rights.

Despite its outrageous premise, the controls feel tightly tuned. Beginners appreciate the forgiving friction when you slow the baby’s fall, while veterans revel in mastering split-second dodges at supersonic speed. Casual players will enjoy low-stakes runs, but perfectionists aiming for high scores will find a surprisingly deep skill ceiling, especially when chaining bounces off canyon walls and creatures in a single, gravity-defying spree.

Graphics

Graphically, My First: Skydiving Academy opts for a stylized, cartoonish look that balances adorable whimsy with morbid hilarity. The infant protagonist is rendered with oversized eyes and pudgy limbs, making each ragdoll flail both comical and slightly unsettling. Canyon textures vary dramatically between levels: sunlit sandstone in Vulture Valley, verdant vines and hanging roots in Jungle Jump, and crystalline ice walls in Frozen Falloff.

The ragdoll physics system deserves special mention. When your baby bounces off canyon walls or collides with an enemy, limbs contort in exaggerated arcs, creating slapstick moments that often elicit laughter. Blood spatters and bone-cracking sound effects underscore the dark humor, but are presented in bright, non-grisly colors that maintain an overall cartoony aesthetic rather than realistic gore.

Particle effects for the fiery “ignition” state are vivid and eye-catching. Flames trail behind the baby like an improvised rocket pack, while impact sparks flicker on contact with rocks and enemies. These visual flourishes not only look cool, they also serve as vital feedback cues telling you when you’re in power mode or nearing a catastrophic wall hit. Even on modest hardware, framerates remain smooth, ensuring you never miss a critical dodge due to lag.

Story

At first glance, My First: Skydiving Academy appears to have no narrative—just infinite falling until impact. Dig a little deeper and you discover a clever satire on consumer culture and the push to churn out experiences for ever-younger audiences. By making toddlers skydivers without parachutes, the game lampoons the extremes to which society markets thrills and risks to the most vulnerable.

The tongue-in-cheek premise is reinforced by tongue-in-cheek level names like Frozen Falloff, evoking both childlike imagination and absurd danger. While there’s no dialogue or cutscenes, the backstory of a corporate “academy” teaching babies to “fly until they hit the ground” unfolds through menu descriptions and achievement titles. This minimalist storytelling approach invites players to supply their own dark humor—and most will fill in the gaps with gory anecdotes and sarcastic commentary.

Though there’s no overarching character arc, each run feels like another chapter in the baby’s doomed skydiving career. Collecting power-ups can be seen as rungs on a corporate ladder of success, each score threshold a promotion that ultimately leads to the same fatal conclusion. It’s a bleak joke that lands perfectly for those who appreciate meta-commentary hidden beneath cartoon violence.

Overall Experience

My First: Skydiving Academy is not a game for the faint of heart—or parents. Its dark humor and graphic ragdoll violence are aimed squarely at an adult indie audience with a taste for the absurd. Yet beneath the shock value lies a finely tuned arcade experience that rewards practice, precision, and a willingness to embrace chaotic mishaps.

Replayability is high. Beyond unlocking levels, you’ll chase ever-greater high scores on leaderboards, angle your runs for maximum bounce combos, and experiment with riskier routes through narrow gorge sections. Short play sessions feel satisfying, and the three-level structure makes it easy to jump in for a quick 5–10 minute adrenaline fix.

The retro Top Gun–inspired soundtrack completes the package, marrying soaring synthesizers with pounding drums that evoke 1980s action flicks. The familiar riffs add a layer of ironic grandeur, as if you’re the hero of your own over-the-top action sequence—even as you watch your toddler character spontaneously combust.

In the end, My First: Skydiving Academy stands out as a bold experiment in dark comedy meets arcade thrills. It’s handcrafted for fans of indie gems, party playthroughs (if you dare invite friends to witness the carnage), and anyone intrigued by a game that simultaneously skewers consumerism and delivers tight, fast-paced gameplay. Proceed with caution—and maybe leave the little ones to safer pastimes.

Retro Replay Score

null/10