Retro Replay Review

Gameplay

Bert the Squirt delivers a straightforward but engaging platform experience built around one clear objective: collect every piece of fruit in each level before the clock runs out. Players guide Bert through 80 distinct stages, each filled with colorful fruit items placed in clever formations. The simplicity of the goal—gather all the fruit—belies a depth of level design that constantly challenges your timing, route planning, and precision.

Throughout each level, springs are your best friend. Well-timed jumps can launch Bert over perilous gaps or straight onto higher platforms where bonus fruit awaits. Mastering spring physics is essential, as the trajectory and height of your jumps depend heavily on how you approach the spring pad. This mechanic adds a rhythmic flow to exploration and forces you to adapt quickly whenever the environment shifts.

Enemies such as hedgehogs and larvae patrol fixed paths, creating moving obstacles that demand both awareness and patience. Getting too aggressive often results in a surprise collision, sending Bert back or costing precious seconds. In addition, spikes peppered across floors and ceilings stand ready to end your run prematurely. The balance between risk and reward intensifies as you push deeper into the game’s 80 levels.

Graphics

Crafted in STOS, Bert the Squirt sports a charming retro aesthetic that recalls the golden age of 8-bit and 16-bit platformers. Sprites are colorful and crisply defined, with Bert himself boasting a bright, expressive design that stands out against varied backgrounds. Each level’s palette feels deliberately chosen to differentiate environments—lush greens for forest stages, warm oranges for desert runs, and cool blues for icy passages.

Animation is simple but effective. Bert’s running and jumping motions are fluid enough to provide clear visual feedback, and enemy movements follow predictable but recognizable patterns. While you won’t find high-frame-rate action or cinematic effects here, the consistent performance ensures input feels responsive—vital in a game where split-second jumps can mean the difference between victory and starting over.

Level backgrounds occasionally feature parallax scrolling—subtle layers of distant scenery moving at varied speeds—which lend depth to what might otherwise feel flat. Decorative elements such as swaying palm trees, drifting clouds, or distant rock formations break up the monotony and give each world its own personality. The overall visual package is a throwback that leverages technical limitations into nostalgic charm.

Story

Although Bert the Squirt places its emphasis squarely on gameplay, a light narrative thread gives context to the fruit-collecting missions. You play as Bert, a spritely little creature on a quest to gather precious fruits stolen by mischievous forest critters. Each collectible is said to hold a fragment of ancient power, and only by reclaiming them can Bert restore balance to his homeland.

Between worlds, brief interludes of illustrated screens or text boxes hint at Bert’s motivations and the nature of his adversaries. While no one would call it an epic saga, these touches provide just enough story to keep you invested. The simple premise—rescue the fruit, save the day—resonates with classic platformer traditions and never overstays its welcome.

As you progress, character cameos and environmental clues hint at a broader world beyond the immediate levels. Occasional background details—a hidden treehouse or a mysterious cave silhouette—suggest side adventures that enrich the main quest. Although there’s no branching narrative or multiple endings, the modest story framework adds a layer of purpose to each timed challenge.

Overall Experience

Bert the Squirt is an old-school platformer that knows its strengths and leans into them fully. The tight controls and measured pacing offer a reliable foundation for players who appreciate skill-based challenges and clear objectives. With 80 levels to conquer, the game provides a satisfying length of play that steadily increases in difficulty.

The time limit on each stage adds urgency and keeps sessions brisk. There’s real satisfaction in shaving seconds off your best time or pulling off a complex spring-jump combo to nab that last stubborn piece of fruit. While forgiving enough for newcomers, the game still reserves enough surprises and hazards to keep seasoned platform veterans on their toes.

Whether you’re drawn by nostalgia for STOS-era titles or simply seeking a lean, focused platform experience, Bert the Squirt delivers fun in bite-sized chunks. Its retro visuals, rhythmic level design, and straightforward objectives make it a solid choice for anyone wanting to relive the joy of classic fruit-collecting adventures—no frills, just pure platforming pleasure.

Retro Replay Score

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