Retro Replay Review

Gameplay

Three Dirty Dwarves delivers a fast-paced side-scrolling action experience that constantly keeps you on your toes. Players can switch at any time between the three titular dwarves—each outfitted with a distinct weapon set: baseball bat and baseballs, bowling pins and bowling balls, and a trusty shotgun. This swapping mechanic encourages strategic thinking, as certain enemies and obstacles react differently to each dwarf’s arsenal. Mastering the timing and choosing the right dwarf for each situation feels deeply satisfying and adds layers of replay value.

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The signature “DwarfMorph” attack is a standout feature that elevates the combat dynamics. By combining the strengths of all three dwarves into a single powerful entity, you unleash a devastating area-of-effect move that clears out hordes of foes. The risk–reward system involved in building up the gauge for a DwarfMorph creates tense moments: do you save it for a boss, or use it in the midst of a swarming horde? Learning when to unleash this ultimate attack becomes essential for later levels, where enemy density and difficulty spike.

Level design is varied and infused with humor: whether you’re storming a fantasy-armored sporting goods store or traversing a demonic castle, each stage introduces unique traps and enemy types. Platforming sections, environmental hazards, and hidden nooks loaded with extra health or ammunition keep exploration exciting. While the core mechanics remain consistent throughout, occasional mini-puzzles—like hitting targets in sequence—break up the action and reward attentiveness.

Graphics

Visually, Three Dirty Dwarves adopts a colorful, cartoonish art style that complements its tongue-in-cheek narrative. Character sprites are exaggerated in typical ’90s fashion, with oversized heads and expressive animations that clearly telegraph enemy attacks. Watching the dwarves load bowling balls into pins or pump their shotguns feels both whimsical and impactful thanks to crisp, well-drawn frames.

The backgrounds brim with detail, from the neon signage of the sporting goods store to the eerie gleam of a dungeon’s torchlight. Parallax scrolling layers give environments a sense of depth, and occasional weather effects—like drifting snow or flickering lightning—inject visual variety. Although not on par with the most cutting-edge titles of its era, the game’s art direction strikes a pleasing balance between playful and gritty.

Enemy designs stand out as well, blending goofy caricatures of medieval monsters with everyday athletic gear—think helmeted skeletons wielding tennis rackets or orcish brutes carrying pitching machines. Bosses feature elaborate animations and occupy large portions of the screen, making each showdown feel like a spectacle. Performance remains smooth even when the screen fills up with projectile attacks and flashing particle effects.

Story

At its heart, Three Dirty Dwarves offers a delightfully off-the-wall narrative: genetically altered “super kids” playing Dungeons & Dragons accidentally open a portal to their fantasy alter-egos, who then invade the real world to rescue them from an evil Army Base. This premise cleverly plays on role-playing tropes and the notion of imaginary heroes becoming real, setting the stage for comedic mash-ups at every turn.

The cutscenes that bookend each level are simple but effective, using comic-book panels and voice samples to advance the plot without disrupting the pace. Watching the dwarves raid a sporting goods store for weapons is surprisingly coherent in context; the juxtaposition of everyday items and mythic battles underlines the game’s self-aware humor. Dialogue is sparse, but when the dwarves speak, their gruff one-liners land with a satisfying punch.

While the story doesn’t delve into deep character arcs or philosophical themes, it never pretends to do so. The writing leans into the absurdity, and the result is an entertaining backdrop that justifies the constantly shifting locales and enemy types. By the time you reach the Army Base stronghold in the final act, you’re fully invested in seeing these rowdy heroes save the day—no narrative flourish necessary.

Overall Experience

Three Dirty Dwarves manages to blend action, humor, and inventive mechanics into a cohesive whole. The learning curve is welcoming; early levels serve as a playground to familiarize yourself with each dwarf’s moveset, while later stages demand precise timing and judicious use of the DwarfMorph attack. Challenge spikes are present, but thankfully checkpoints are generous enough to keep frustration at bay.

Controls are tight and responsive, whether you’re firing shotgun blasts or sending bowling balls ricocheting off walls. Audio cues—like the satisfying thwack of a bat or the roar of a defeated boss—reinforce each action. The soundtrack leans into rock-inspired riffs that match the game’s energy, though it occasionally grows repetitive after long play sessions.

All told, Three Dirty Dwarves stands as a memorable side-scrolling adventure with personality to spare. Its unique hook, strategic character-swapping, and playful visuals make it a standout title for fans of retro action games. Even today, it delivers a tightly packed, enjoyable journey that’s well worth exploring for players seeking fast-paced combat and offbeat humor.

Retro Replay Score

6.7/10